Well students, this time the old primer has gone way off of the tracks, but I feel like it is something that needs to be discussed! While these definitions are something that does not really fall into the actual LGBTQI+ spectrum, it does come up quite a bit when we are talking about sexual outlaws, and it's definitely a topic that is becoming more on the forefront when we are looking a alternative sexual practices
It's he big one, the M word, no not marriage, it's MONOGAMY!
the practice or state of being married to one person at a time, having a sexual relationship with one person at a time, having only one mate at a time.
Yep. There it is. It almost seems like a dirty word these days. It's simply a choice. * gasp * say it isn't so! Something about my sexuality and orientation is a choice? You are damn right it is.
See, I personally choose to be monogamous sexually and emotionally with my partner. He has also chosen to be monogamous with me. This means that we do not engage in sex or eros love with anyone but each other. It's pretty simple. I know you think I am being long winded by explaining what it means but here is the thing, we negotiated what that monogamy looks like to each other so that the protocols and rules are clear. One of those rules is that I am allowed to flirt with people. Flirting for me is almost second nature. I can't really help it, so we have had those discussions about what is allowed and what isn't, including how I can touch, embrace, and be affectionate with people. The same rules apply to my partner but he has absolutely no interest in even conversing with most people, so I am not really worried.
The next word of the day is......
Ethical Non-Monogamy! (Ok, it's more than one word, I know)
a term that encompasses all the ways that you can consciously, with agreement and consent from all involved, explore love and sex with multiple people.
This is an umbrella term that involves lots of different types of relationships, but let's go with a couple of the big ones. First, Polyamory.
the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.
For my friend Matthew, it is defined as this:
Healthy, consensual relationships with more than one person. I can be with more than one person but they all know about it. It can be very different, but it has to be talked out by each person.
It's pretty simple, and it brings us to our next term
a marriage or relationship in which both partners agree that they may have sexual relations with others.
This is a pretty self explanatory term, but I want to mention a couple of friends of mine that use both of these terms. My friend D is in an open relationship with her partner B, who is in a polyamorous relationship with her. Wait, What?
Okay, here is how it breaks down. D loves being with B in a romantic, sexual, a partnered relationship, and she enjoys having sex with other men and women as well, just not romantically. B loves being with D as well, and that is his primary partner, however, he also enjoys dating other women emotionally and sexually as well! This works for them because they are honest, they have negotiated rules and boundaries, and they have a continuous conversation about it.
So normally this is the part of the primer where I always remind you that if you are in doubt, ask. That advice is incredibly helpful when it comes to this as well, but here is the twist. Don't just ask someone else's relationship status, I would also suggest that you ask their partner as well. Most people I know that practice ethical non-monogamy will be able to quickly provide you proof from their partner that everything is on the up and up. If they cannot provide this to you, then they are most likely what I would consider to be the only really dirty word that I am going to use in the whole column. CHEATER.