Clay County (Missouri) Sheriff’s officers didn’t have to put their tracking skills to much use as they searched for a fugitive in early July near Liberty, Missouri, according to Fox2. The unnamed man, who was wanted for possession of a controlled substance, gave himself away by loudly passing gas in his hiding spot. Deputies noted on Facebook: “If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a (poop emoji) day.”
Least Competent Criminal
In Shawnee, Oklahoma, Brandon Killian, 29, was already in trouble for brutally beating Jarric Carolina in a June brawl. But as he sat in custody, he told an officer that his face was injured from being “first socked” during the fight. When the officer left the room to get a camera, Killian, who was being recorded, punched himself multiple times in the face (strangely using one hand to propel the other fist into his cheek). Now his charges include preparing false evidence, KFOR reported. “Lying to the police and creating a false report will not be tolerated,” warned District Attorney Allan Grubb. Killian is currently serving time in the Oklahoma County Jail for a separate drug court violation.
A kindly grandfather, who just wanted to treat nurses at Warrington Hospital in Cheshire, England, for the good care given to a relative, unwittingly gave them a red velvet cake laced with cannabis on May 27. According to Sky News, the man got the cake from his grandson’s 18th birthday party and presented it to staff at the hospital. An unnamed staff member said three or four of the nurses were “off their faces” afterward, and another noted how “relaxed” they were. Cheshire police destroyed what remained of the cake after the incident.
News You Can Use
Car rental companies in Japan began noticing last summer that some customers were putting very few miles on their vehicles, so they conducted surveys to find out what renters are using the cars for, reported The Asahi Shimbun, and discovered that one in eight renters were using cars for something besides transportation, to wit: napping (most popular activity), talking on the phone, eating lunch, watching TV, putting on Halloween costumes and doing stretches said to reduce the size of their face. One respondent said she uses rented cars to store bags and other belongings because coin-operated lockers are sometimes all in use. Renting is cheap in Japan, costing only a few hundred yen (several dollars).
Ted Richards of Bristol, England, isn’t your run-of-the-mill bird lover. He admires parrots so much that he has had his face tattooed with feathers and his eyes colored with tattoo ink, risking blindness. HuffPost reported that Richards, who goes by Ted Parrotman, also had his ears removed, which has impaired his hearing. “Parrots only got little holes anyways, so I had them cut off,” he said. “I didn’t think about the complications, you know? Because if you looked at negative all the time, you’d never do anything.” Well said, Parrotman. Well said.
Blast From the Past
A plumber renovating the former Centralia High School in Centralia, Illinois, unearthed a 75-year-old trove of memories in late June. Inside a bathroom wall heat vent, he discovered 15 women’s wallets, all from students at the school in the mid-1940s. The cash was missing, but photographs, IDs and other materials were still in the billfolds. “War is ending,” said Seth Baltzell, pastor of the City Hope Church, which is converting the building. “So there are lots of things like pictures of soldiers.” Baltzell posted pictures of the wallets on Facebook, and relatives of 89-year-old Betty June Sissom of Chesterfield, Missouri, saw them. “I remember I lost my wallet,” Sissom told KSDK. “Oh my goodness, look at the boy’s pictures I have ... They took all the money, huh?” Sorry, Betty.
On the afternoon of July 7, Timothy Smith, 24, and his fiancee returned to their new home in Gresham, Oregon, to find things not quite right. They noted items out of place, others that didn’t belong to them, a mirror ripped out of a bathroom and holes kicked in bedroom walls. Then they found a cat (wearing a green cashmere shirt belonging to Smith’s chihuahua) hiding in a crawl space, The Oregonian reported, and called police. Fifteen minutes later, officers emerged from the house with Ryan Bishop, 38, wearing the woman’s Christmas onesie. Smith told reporters the man had broken into the home and settled right in, eating a cupcake, making coffee, smoking Smith’s weed, playing video games and collecting a clean, warm onesie out of the dryer. Bishop was charged with first-degree burglary, first-degree criminal mischief and third-degree theft. Smith is seeking a home for the cat. His fiancee declined the return of her onesie.
— Pool maintenance workers in Boca Raton, Florida, were interrupted on July 5 when one of them was shot in the leg with a pellet gun. “I heard him scream at the top of his lungs,” homeowner E-Lyn Bryan told WPTV, “and he had blood coming out of his leg and he was shot by the hunter.” Police responding to the shooting said someone hired to kill iguanas in the neighborhood shot the pool boy instead. “If neighbors are gonna be like the Wild West and shoot at everything, someone is gonna get killed,” Bryan said. It was unclear whether the shooter was caught or charged.
— Michael Tam, 40, of Tower, Minnesota, is in fair condition after a freak accident on July 6. Tam was attempting to move a 12-by-16-foot wooden cabin at Daisy Bay Resort “when the structure fell off the jacks, trapping him underneath,” St. Louis County Sheriff’s officials said. According to City Pages, a building of this size may weigh about 6,500 pounds. Tam was taken to a Duluth hospital; no details were reported about his condition.
Jung Soon Wypcha, 66, took retail competition to a new level in Indian Shores, Florida, in June, where over several days she sabotaged Lu Lu’s Ice Cream shop, located next door to her Indian Shores Food Mart. The two shops share a bathroom, and starting on June 17, video showed Wypcha (1) used the bathroom with the door open and didn’t wash her hands, then went to the ice cream freezer and put her hands into the containers; (2) picked her nose, then put her hands into the containers; (3) spit into the containers. Wypcha’s piece de resistance took place on June 22, when she urinated into an ice cream bucket, then dumped the bucket in a sink where ice cream utensils and bowls are washed. Lu Lu’s owner Paul Chiulli told the Tampa Bay Times that Wypcha ruined $2,000 worth of ice cream and forced his shop to close for five days. She was charged with criminal mischief and tampering with consumer products, both felonies.
In late May, an inmate at Buena Vista Correctional Facility in Buena Vista, Colorado, tipped off officials that an employee there was bringing drugs into the prison. On July 2, the Department of Corrections nabbed their man: Trevor Martineau, 27 — a corrections officer. According to KDVR, officials found a burrito with a plastic bag sticking out of the end in Martineau’s lunch box. The bag contained “roughly 91 grams of meth, 26 grams of heroin and 46 strips of suboxone,” along with other items. Martineau reportedly said he was paid $1,000 to pick up the drugs, and officials located $960 at his home. Martineau was charged with first-degree introduction of contraband and three charges of unlawful possession of a controlled substance. He also lost his job.
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