Hey there folks,

I have a question to ask about a guy I am dating. He is bisexual and lives in a big house with a few other guys. It is a beautiful home, and while they are still in the process of moving in, I started to come over and hang out with one of the guys that put money down on the house. It was the gay roommate of the guy I was sleeping with and we got along well.

To make things clear, I was dating this guy at the insistence of my husband who wanted to open our relationship up. It made him excited to think about me being with other men, and the guy that I was going over to see understood the concept of open relationships. My husband is a slope worker and asked that the first interactions happened while he was gone. The guy I was sleeping with was bi and eventually admitted that he had also had a couple of close to sexual encounters with the roommate that I had been vibing with.

I went over quite a few times and the sex was amazing. We would text my husband afterwards and talk to him and it all seemed to be OK. I even started to get close with my new guys roommates. Then my husband came home. That’s when it all went to shit.

I really like the guy that I have been spending time with, but my husband is my priority. Everyone involved is open to this being the reality. The problem is his housemates. I became close to one of them and I want to maintain my friendship with him. The guy told me that he would give me his number but, he told me the housemate didn’t want anything to do with me. I am hurt.

My question is, how do I break that old “Bro’s before Ho’s” stereotype and get a friendship back with this guy. I love my husband, but I am also new in town and wish I could have a friendship with the gay man that I had met. How do I get my gay friends back?

-New Girl

Well hey sis. There are a bunch of us that love these moments with our gay besties. Mad Myrna’s has been doing a great job here in Anchorage with all their shows and even Van’s Dive Bar sometimes picks up the slack. Here is the thing — you have put the gay bestie into a stereotype.

You decided that your husband’s cuckold or hot wife fantasy was more important than the other people involved in the situation. You went over and decided to have sex with a bisexual guy whose roommate might have been in love or involved with him. You didn’t ask what level their relationship was at.

Another point you aren’t clear on is whether this is a hot wife or a cuckold situation. Does your husband get off on watching you with someone else, or is he just turned on by the concept of being with someone else? It also sounds to us, since you said something about him coming home, that he might want to have just wanted to hear about the fantasy.

What it sounds like to us is that you decided that being a subject of your partner’s fantasies activated something in you. You decided that you would go through and fulfill your own fantasies and you didn’t consider the emotions of the people that you are physically and emotionally involved with.

For those that down understand the difference between a cuckold: “a man whose wife is sexually unfaithful, or often regarded as an object of derision” and a hot wife: a married woman whose husband allows her to engage in the sexual encounters with others. “is usually about objectification and consent.” They are slightly different but usually in the hot wife situation the husband may also be enjoying pleasure, yet in a different way.

For both situations, it is clear to us one thing. You have asked for someone that you had sex with to break large rules. Friends first. It does not matter whether the person you are talking to has a roommate, a friend, or a brother, when you decide that they should be “lent” to you, or given to you as a prize with purchase, that is arrogant and you are the asshole. Most of the times when you leave a relationship you also must leave any of the friendships that you gained in that time. It’s the rules. Sorry kid.

The Alaskans miss a lot of their friends. If you are on of those friends, hit us up at lastfrontierdating@outlook.com

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