I was wondering if you could help me out with something. My girlfriend and I have been in a serious committed relationship for over three years now. I really have no complaints, but I am starting to get worried about the amount of porn she watches. We are honest with each other about everything and so often when I text her while I am at work and she has the day off to ask what she is up to, her response is “watching porn, jacking off.” I asked her to show me some of the things she is watching and I now I am intimidated that I might not be enough for her. Almost every scene is more than one guy, or if it’s a single guy, he is extremely well hung. I have asked her if she wants these fantasies to come true, and if there is anything that I can do to make our sex life better, and she always tells me that she is completely satisfied. I still can’t shake the feeling that maybe this porn habit of hers is somehow a reflection on my poor performance.
Do I measure up?
Porn. We love it. It’s awesome when done correctly. It can be a fantastic way to explore fantasies and communicate with your partner about things that you want them to do. It can also be a great way to get turned on, have an orgasm, and relax. It’s also a bedtime story for adults who just need some inspiration so that they can climax and pass out. There are a lot of reasons that people enjoy pornography. Some of our favorite genres are amateur and audition. It’s better without the cheesy music, ya know?
Ok bud, there are a couple of things in your letter that we want to talk about. First, you say that you are both honest about everything with each other, but you are doubting her when she says that she is satisfied with your sex life. Why? If you trust that she is being forthright with you about everything else, why is this the sticking point? This leads us to believe that you are projecting your hang ups, but let’s explore what she could be lacking.
You stated that she is into porn with guys that are well endowed and videos with more than one guy. Is there double penetration? We aren’t going to assume that size is an issue for you, and it shouldn’t be. We firmly believe that any size is ok if people are willing to realize that there is more to life than penis in vagina sex. There are attachments that can be purchased, dildo’s and vibrators, a good oral sex technique, and more than can add to everyone’s satisfaction at the end of the day. Most studies show that when people with vaginas are discussing the ideal size, girth comes up as the area where they would enjoy more, and it’s much less about length. In this regard, fisting is also an option. Like one of our favorite comedians has said, “It’s ok if you have a small dick, as long as you also have small hands.”
The next thing we want to touch on is that you didn’t mention anything else about the videos she is watching, and there may be a clue there about what turns her on so much about them. Are they all scenes about forced sex? Is the sex rougher and more dominating than the way the two of you normally connect? Have you even watched them all the way through or did you simply get a glimpse of things and then turn them off? Watch them all the way through, better yet, watch them with her and see if you can figure out when she get’s excited.
If she has no interest in watching them with you, that’s ok too. Maybe it’s just her way of rewarding herself after a long week, and finally getting some time alone in the house. You will notice that we never agreed with you about the statement that she is watching too much porn. Here is the thing. It sounds like she is still holding down a job, having sex with you, and managing her life well, so there does not seem to be an issue with it on our end. Just make sure that you both pay for some of that porn you are watching. It’s a valid industry and you should pay sex workers.
Do you have any advice about how I keep my FWB, (Friend with benefits), in the friend zone? It seems like every time I find a good one, they seem to flip the script and start wanting a relationship! I am tired of getting a good sexual rhythm going with someone, and then having to break off all contact because they are catching feels.
Casual sex is fantastic. We are huge fans and glad that there are others out there doing the same thing. What’s not fun is when people aren’t on the same level as far as expectations in the relationship, and yes, it is a relationship no matter what. It’s just that the rules and protocols are different than a committed one.
Ok, so there are a few things to consider in this situation. First, we need to make sure that when we have someone that is just for casual sex, that they know that as well. From the get-go. If you are going to have adult relations, make sure that you have adult conversation. It’s that simple.
The next thing to consider is what type of vibe you are giving with your actions when the two of you spend time together. If this is just about sex, and the two of you have discussed and agreed to that, are you doing more than just sex together? If sex is the goal, are you wasting time hanging out, having dinner, going out for a few drinks, and then doing the deed? Are you staying the night at each other’s houses? Is one of you cooking breakfast for the other the next day? Any of those activities start to muddy the water between a booty call and a boyfriend.
It is entirely possible to be friends that have casual sex. Well, at least we have heard it is. We have never actually seen it play out successfully because one or both people start to feel some sort of way about the other. It could be love, it could be hate, but familiarity will eventually breed contempt.
Our advice is to spend more time focused on the benefits and less on the friend.
If you have questions about what’s going on between your legs, in your heart, or tearing up your mind, send us an email at email@example.com