I have been using dating apps for over a year now, but I haven’t been finding anyone I am interested in locally. I am not sure what it is about Alaskan men but everyone that is my type doesn’t fit the standards of what I am looking for in a guy.
A few weeks ago, I met someone that isn’t from here, but he was visiting. Unfortunately, it was on the last day of his visit and we only got to get together for a cup of coffee before he had to leave to catch his flight. We kept in contact and I realized that I am developing feelings for him. We made plans that I was going to fly to visit him at the first chance, but now with Covid-19 it looks like that isn’t going to be a safe option.
I was wondering if your group had any tips for maintaining a long-distance relationship, especially one that is so new. I really like this guy and I want to make things the best they can with him.
— Sleepless in Anchorage
Well hello there! Yes, we have a lot of experience in this area and would love to give you some tips and tricks that we have learned along the way. First, we are very happy that you have already met this man in person. Usually our advice would be to make sure that he is not catfishing you. This could be done through Facetime phone calls or asking for certain things in videos or audio messages that they send to prove that you are actually talking to the person that you think you are. Photos are also great. We had a situation once where one of us was talking to a guy that claimed to be overseas and on a military assignment. After three weeks of talking, one of us was also starting to get feelings… until we were told that we needed to send a lot of personal information to an email address that ended with gmail.com. That was the first red flag. A military base will never use a Gmail account in order to proceed with classified documents. In a catfish situation the first thing that feels like a red flag is a reason to get out.
Since you have already met this person that is not a worry and we will proceed. The first issue that we seem to run into with long-distance loves is that just like social media, you tend to curate and create a situation that isn’t the entire picture. You tell them about the best parts of your day, you send them pictures of you looking amazing, and you save up all of the best parts of your day to discuss with them. While all of these things are true, they aren’t the whole picture. If you want to have an actual relationship with this person, they need to know all of you. Tell them about your bad days as much as your good. Let them know when you are sad or weak. Send pics halfway through the day when your hair is falling out of its style. If you present only the most perfect version of yourself, that is what they will be expecting when they need to be around the real you.
The next piece of advice that we have is to come up with something that only belongs to the two of you. This could be something completely silly, like each of you buying the same kind of plant and growing them together. It could also be a TV show. There is one of us that is currently in a long-distance relationship with someone they are having deep feelings for. They are both spiritual people and have shared that with each other. It gives them something to talk about often, even though they come from two different religions. One of them also shared their streaming account so that they can watch the same TV show at the same time while they are on the phone with one other. Create a routine for something that belongs only to the two of you.
Long distance can work. It takes a lot of negotiation about what the rules of your relationship are, and like everything else that we discuss, it takes a lot of communication and trust. We hope that yours is successful.
I am having an issue. Recently my roommate and I were both let go from our jobs, and ever since we have been on quarantine together. We have always gotten along really well, and on the third night of being stuck at home together we thought it would be fun to play some drinking games with friends online.
After our friends had to go to bed, we were left just hanging out with each other. One of the games we had played with our friends was ‘Never have I ever’. This had caused us to reveal some scandalous details to each other and we started to talk about them. One thing led to another and after a while of talking he leaned in and started to kiss me. I was totally into it and we ended up having sex. At the time I didn’t think it was an issue but for the past few days I have been thinking more about it and wondering if maybe we could be in a relationship. Now, every time I am around him, I am awkward. I don’t know if he wants more, but I have noticed that I am making more of an effort to be attractive around him than I ever have. I don’t like this limbo. We had always discussed just being roommates even though we were initially attracted to each other when we first met. If he wants more, how do we go from being roommates to partners when we already live together. I am so confused.
— Skipping steps
Whoa. Slow down. We would like to introduce you to a question that one of our friends has said to many people throughout her life. “What did he say when you told him this?”
The first step is the only step. You have to talk to him. You didn’t do any conversation before this incident so now you have to do it after. Our advice is this: Figure out exactly what you want. Play out every situation in your head. Figure out your response to whatever he might say. It might not be how you actually react in the moment, but at least you will have somewhat of a plan. Be prepared for him to shut you down or pretend like it didn’t happen. Then, talk to him. In a letter, in person, through text, through email, it doesn’t matter. We are willing to bet that he hasn’t mentioned it because he is also going through similar feelings, or he could just be trying to pretend it didn’t happen, you won’t know until you ask.
The Alaskans are a group of people on lockdown hoping that love survives at a distance of six feet. If you have any questions send us an email at email@example.com