Dear Alaskans,

My friend and I keep having the same debate and so I want to know your take on the issue. I say that love at first sight is absolutely a real thing. It happened with me and my wife. We saw each other from across the room and it was like the movies. We started dating very fast and our relationship moved even faster. He says that it is impossible and that what I am referring to is simply lust. I think I would know the difference, as I have experienced both. My emotions for my wife are different than any other first meeting I have ever had.

What say you all? Is love at first sight something that happens?

Signed,

I am Proof.

Hi Proof! This is a subject that we really enjoy discussing. The short answer is yes, we believe in love at first sight, and we have a theory about it. Each of us have experienced the same situation in different ways.

We like to think of relationships being like a scale, and all the little wonderful things that we love about someone are constantly being added to the good side of this scale. Little annoyances and frustrations are also being added to the other side, but hopefully those are always outweighed by the stuff on the good side. When that balance is thrown off, it causes issues in the relationship. All those tiny good things can be quickly outweighed by one big thing on the other side such as cheating, or abuse, or a big lie.

So, when you and your future wife first saw each other you loved every single that you knew about her, which was mainly her physical appearance. Then you had a conversation and things kept going well, so more good things were added. Eventually the other parts of her that you discovered kept outweighing any of the bad, so you have loved all of her for your entire relationship. If that first conversation hadn’t gone so well, this could be a very different letter, or if you had discovered some of her secrets that didn’t like up with your ideas of what a good partner is, you both probably would not be married.

Your friend has never had this experience, and that’s unfortunate. It’s really a lot of fun to meet someone that gives you all the yummy, sexy, fun emotions that happen from the first moment going forward. It doesn’t always work out like that. Sometimes we see someone that is perfection for us physically but as soon as they open their mouth, we realize it isn’t a match. You were very blessed to find the one and have that movie magic moment. Congratulations and tell your friend that he should keep looking!

Hey Alaskans,

I am recently single after a 5-year committed relationship. During this time, I realized quite a few things about myself. I started to think more about my sexuality and concluded that I am not 100% straight, and I also don’t think I want to be in a committed relationship for a while. My ex and I still live together while I am figuring out where to move to.

There is a guy that I consider to be a pretty good friend that also became single that has offered me a room in his house. The problem is that we have slept together a couple times. There have never been any romantic feelings between us at all, we just both like to sometimes hookup. My other friends that know about our hookup are telling me that it’s a bad idea for us to move in together and I will just turn him into my rebound guy.

Can you help? Could a friend with benefits also be a roommate?

Hi there. Thanks for writing in. That is a tough situation that you are looking at. On the one hand there have never been any romantic feelings in the past with this potential roommate, so it seems like it could be a fun thing to do. Why get on Tinder when you could have fun with the guy living across the hall? It could work, but we think your friends might be on to something.

Here is the deal. You are both freshly out of relationships. When the two of you move in together there will be new feelings just from the fact that you will have some sort of domestic companionship. There will be ways that each of you start to lean on each other like partners, and when you add sex to that mix, then it starts to feel like a relationship. Even if both of you agree to not dating, there will still be jealousy when either of you brings another person home or shows someone else flirtatious attention. You can say that it won’t, but you would be wrong.

Our advice is that you must make a choice. You can either find another place to live, and keep having this guy as a fuck buddy, or you can move in with him and make the rule that the sex needs to stop. Two people that have just gotten back on the market after a long time should be wingmen for each other, and if you aren’t careful it will turn into a rebound situation. Have the conversation with him. Let him know which one you are choosing and ask what he thinks is the best idea. He may be feeling the same way about it all.

The Alaskan’s are a group of people that have gathered their knowledge of sex, dating, and interpersonal relationships from a variety of ways. If you would like to get some advice from locals that have been there, drop us an email at lastfrontierdating@outlook.com

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