Dear Alaskans,

I am having a problem with my boyfriend and his jealousy issues. I am frequently a recreational user of cannabis products, whether it is CBD or THC. This is not the issue in our relationship and never has been. The issue comes in with the man that works at the shop that I frequent.

Recently I decided to go to my favorite shop when I had my boyfriend with me. He does not smoke or take CBD because of his slope job, but he wanted to come in with me and see what a shop looked like. When we walked in one of my favorite employees was working. He greeted me in his normal manner. “Hey babe! How are you? What I can get for you today?”

I didn’t think anything of it and went about my normal shopping. The entire way home my boyfriend was very sullen and silent. When we got home, I finally asked him what was going on. He got very furious in a quiet manner and asked if I had something going on with the person that works at the dispensary. He asked if the man that worked at the dispensary always talks to me that way.

After an hour-long conversation, he confessed that he doesn’t like it when other men call me by pet names. How can I convince him that this is just a conventional shopkeeper way of acting? I really don’t think that this man is flirting with me, but now his reaction is making me question things. Is this guy flirting with me? Should I be concerned? I don’t want to upset my-boyfriend, but I also don’t want to lose my great relationship with the staff at my favorite weed shop. Ugh. Can you help?

Scared Stoner

Hey there Stoner,

I understand your concern regarding your boyfriend’s reaction to your last visit to the dispensary, and there are a couple of issues that I would like to address with this question.

First, let’s discuss the fact that your boyfriend is acting incredibly jealous, and overbearing. I have a sneaking suspicion that your man would have his panties in bunch no matter who called you a pet name. Not only is he acting completely insecure, but it shows that he has a lack of faith in your commitment to him. While his desire to make you feel guilty may be incredibly strong, you haven’t done anything wrong, and you do not need to change your behavior to alleviate his discomfort. That is his own to bear, and nothing you do will make him any more convinced of your commitment to him. So, live your life in the way that makes you happy, and let him deal with his own shit.

Secondly, not every person who speaks to you kindly, is hitting on you. It is okay for your budtender, bartender, waiter/ess , etc. to use a pet name, without it being threatening. Pet names are a convenient way to make a customer feel welcomed, and show them that you care within a short period of time, and, as a person in the service industry, I assure you that this does not mean that person wants anything else from your interaction. We are wondering if you decided to follow your boyfriend to any of his hang outs if things would be different. Sometimes when people go to strip clubs the dancers there will treat them the same way.

When you are in the service industry we start to treat you all them same way we will call everyone by the same name. Whether it is a bartender calling some one “Vodka and Red Bull with a shot of Jameson” or you at your dispensary calling someone “ High THC but NO SATIVA” blonde asshole!... We will have nicknames for everyone. We meet a lot of people every day.

Additionally, the relationships that are forged with regular customers in any service industry, but especially the recreational marijuana industry, are important to the success of the business. Customers go where they feel the most recognized and appreciated.

Our advice is to ask your boyfriend where he goes. Whether it is a coffee shop or a strip club or a bar, we bet that there is somewhere that he spends time that they call him these names also. Once the girl at the coffee shop in the angel costume calls him honey in front of you, he will be a little less possessive over the pet names others call you.

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