I need some help, and advice from my friends is not getting positive results.
Shortly after meeting my current boyfriend 6 years ago I was involved in a terrible car accident involving a drunk driver. Before the accident I was 5’9” tall and weighed 112 pounds. I have been through multiple surgeries and physical therapy but I more than doubled my weight and I ended up being 245 pounds.
About 5 months ago I got a gastric sleeve and I have now lost a total of 76 pounds. I am starting to feel more like myself again, and I am excited to continue getting healthier.
The problem is that my boyfriend who has supported me through all the surgeries, all the weight gain, seems to be pulling away from me. We hardly ever have sex anymore and he never compliments me on my physical appearance.
I am scared that I am going to lose my partner along with the continued weight that I lose. I also want to get a tummy tuck and a boob job. How do I get him on board with my plans for transformation?
Losing and Lost.
Hi there Losing.
First, we would like to congratulate you on the weight loss and recovery. It takes a strong person to make it through all of that, and it is awesome that you have done so.
Now let’s talk about the issue. From what you are describing there could be several different things going on with your partner. Of course, we are going to tell you to talk to him about it and ask him, but we are going to assume that you already have, but perhaps you asked him vague questions that he didn’t have the answers to. The way we see it, there are a few possibilities.
First is the one that our kinky brains go to first. He didn’t realize that he liked bigger women until you got bigger. There are a lot of men out there that prefer someone with more curves and cushion. It could be that now that you are getting down to a smaller size he isn’t as physically attracted to you. Now, even though that is our first thought, it’s not actually what we think is happening.
The next could be a case of fragile ego. You said that you both met close to the time when the accident happened. It’s possible that he felt somewhat like a superhero when you first got together and some of his confidence in the relationship was brought about by being able to help you heal and take care of you. He liked the concept of being the one to take care of you, and now you don’t need so much caring for, and he might feel useless. This energy shift could be changing the dynamic of the entire relationship for him.
Now the final thought that we had also deals with an energy shift. You stated that he doesn’t compliment you on your appearance anymore. The question we have is, how much are you complimenting yourself? One of us had an issue like that in one of our relationships. Partner A worked from home and so they were able to take care of more of the household duties like laundry, dishes, and cooking. The started to get resentful at Partner B when they weren’t showered with adoration for doing the lions share of the chores. When they brought it up Partner B told them that he would be happy to compliment them more, as soon as Partner A stopped pointing out all the awesome things they had done. So, we ask you, are you giving him a chance to compliment you, or are you pointing out how amazing you are all the time? Are you asking his opinion, or telling him what it should be?
What it all boils down to is more conversation. He needs to tell you what is going on, and why he does not want to be intimate with you. It’s your body, and you are completely allowed to do whatever you want with it. If his attraction to you is merely physical, he needs to go. Stop wasting time with someone who thinks of you as a pocket pussy that talks. That’s called fetishization and it’s gross. If the problem is because of an energy shift or a change in your dynamic, that can be worked through, although it may require professional help. If you would like the name of a good couples therapist, write us back. We know a few. Good luck.
Being from this state I am hoping you can help me out with a relationship problem that involves cannabis. My boyfriend and I like to have sex stoned. It’s become part of our routine. When we are over at my house, we sit around taking hits off my bong until we start feeling frisky. There are certain strains that just intensify everything and make the experience more amazing.
The issue is that when we are at his place, we don’t have the same opportunities to do this. He has roommates and part of their agreement is that they won’t smoke weed in the house. Because he lives in a giant apartment complex this means we must go all the way outside and sit in a car. This messes up the entire vibe for me and I am not really into the idea of sex at his place anymore. What should I do?
Ummm. You are kidding right? Those must be some good strains if you haven’t even thought about edibles. There are a lot more ways to get that high than just smoking it out of a bong.
Okay, that might be your preferred routine when you are at your place, but when in need you must adapt and overcome. Why not make some cannabutter into some chocolate and make it romantic by feeding each other chocolate dipped strawberries and treats? Why not make dinner out of edibles? We know that the high will be different than smoking, but if THC is required to get you in the mood there are way that make it happen.
Great Northern Cannabis even has a THC lube called Bare Spray that could be used on your food, your vagina, or anywhere else that he plans on putting his mouth while the two of you play. Added bonus, using it on your vagina will get you buzzed also.
One precaution. It’s not meant for use with latex condoms, so be sure to check out the safety instructions when it comes to that. It’s best for both partners if you are fluid bonded and able to have sex without the use of one. Happy 420 Sexy Stoner, we hope you get high in every way that you are wanting to.
The Alaskan’s are a group of people that love to dole out advice on sex, relationships, love, and even getting high, so if you need some hit us up at email@example.com