Do you have any advice for how to get guys to stop sending me dick pics all the time? When did it become socially acceptable to slide into someone’s DM’s with a raging pile of penis? Has any woman ever gone for that? I ended up deleting my Tinder because every time I would get into a conversation with a guy, it happened. We would not even be having sexual conversations. I would send them a picture of my new hairstyle, or a cute outfit I was wearing, and they would reply with a shot of their junk!
I finally put it in all my profiles that anyone sending pictures of genitalia would be blocked and that still didn’t stop them. I am about to delete all of my social media accounts, but I need them for work. HELP!
Grossed Out Girl
YES! We love talking about this subject. We actually all have our favorite ways of dealing with it, and we will get to that, but first let’s break this down.
People that have a penis. Stop sending people pictures of it without permission. This should be a crime, but it’s not. Not that we know of at least. Maybe it is, but whatever. You still need to stop regardless. This seems like a really silly thing to get upset over, but it is not. It is non-consensually asking someone to participate in something sexually with you. It’s assault. If you are under the age of 18, it is definitely a crime, and if you are over 18, it’s gross.
Now, as we have covered in a previous column, the rule with showing off your penis should be the same online as it is in real life. If you would not walk up to someone at a bar and say hello by whipping out your dick, don’t do it online. If someone you are friendly with stopped by your house to show you something, and your immediate response is to drop your pants and show off your peepee, you have problems. That’s the rule ya’ll. When it comes to your genitalia and the internet, if you would be arrested for it on the street, stop doing it digitally.
Now for the fun part, how to respond. We all have handled this situation in different ways. Some of us really enjoy looking at them and let people know that we enjoy it, and they send them to us, and we are happy. Not all of us are like that.
For one of our crew, she keeps pictures of bigger dicks, pierced dicks, split dicks, basically any dick that could be called an oddity in her photos, and when faced with a non-consensual cock shot, she responds with pictures of her own. Another member of our team likes to just send pictures of women laughing. Not just one or two. She will respond with dozens and dozens of pictures of women laughing. She does it fast too. That way the offending picture is no longer the thing she is seeing, but instead pictures of hundreds of women she does not know laughing at this pathetic attempt at flirting with her.
We have practical friends as well, and they like to take matters into their own hands. One takes the time to blur the offending image and add cute stickers, then track down the owner’s wife, sister, girlfriend, boss, commander, etc and let them know about the behavior. We don’t all agree with this method, and prefer to save it for when someone is lying and cheating, but it’s effective. Another really effective method is to simply block the person on whatever app, social media, or text method they are using. It’s not as much fun, and the offender doesn’t learn their lesson, but it works to get them out of your life.
Then there are a couple of us that don’t really get offended, and just give the person a gentle reminder that it’s not socially appropriate and let them off with a warning. Then there is one of us that welcomes them all and believes that since he consents to seeing all adult penis, people should feel free to send him whatever they have got.
You could also just play into their fears and let them know you are going to forward it to all of your friends. It reminds us of a regular joke that is told by a local emcee. “Gentlemen, you have to stop sending non-consensual dick pics to your lady friends. If you don’t, please be rest assured that her gay friends have seen it, because we always ask to have them forwarded to us, and we trade that shit like baseball cards. So if you have ever offended a woman in this way, you know now, I have seen your dick.”
So, I have an issue. I like to surf on Grindr and flirt with guys. It’s something that I have fully negotiated with my partner, and sometimes we go on together just to check people out. The other day we were chatting with a really sexy torso, and it got to the point of the conversation where we had agreed to exchange “other” pictures. He went first, and as soon as they started coming in, I recognized all of the pics, but they were not of the person I was talking to. The torso for his profile may have been him, but the other shots were of a different friend of mine. I recognized all of the tattoos. Then he sent a face pic, and it was a different person all together, but it was another person I know, that I am sure does not have a Grindr account. I quickly closed the app and haven’t logged back in since.
What should I do about this? On the one hand I want to make the people whose pictures are being used aware that they are being used as catfish bait, but on the other, they sent those pics out and should be aware that it could happen. Also, how do I figure out who this torso is that I am talking to?
Not into catfishing
You should definitely tell your friends that their pictures are being used as bait on a dating app. People need to be made aware of this. Maybe they could help you discover the identity of the person that you have been chatting with? If they both chatted with the same dismembered profile picture, they might have an idea. That is something everyone needs to be aware of when we are sharing private pictures online. They can be shared with anyone you know in a matter of seconds. You better really trust the person you are sending them to.
Now as far as figuring out who this person is. Have some fun with it, be a detective. Did you talk about meeting up? Set up that meeting in a public place. Have them wear something really obvious and send another friend in to scope the area at the time of the meeting to see who it is. Get your Dick Tracy, (haha) on!
Or just not worry about it and block the dude. It’s Grindr. It’s not real life.
The Alaskan’s disagree about dick pics and everything else. If you want to cause a group of friends to fight over your questions regarding interpersonal relationships, penis’, and love, send them a question email@example.com