Blotter: Twist of testosterone edition

Discriminating thieves generally go after things of monetary value—say, widescreen TVs or jewelry. Either that or they go straight for stuff to pacify an addiction that gnaws at their insides. That’s what appears to have happened October 27 at University of Alaska Anchorage, where police reported a break-in at a campus health center and theft of narcotics from its pharmacy. The theft of a rifle, a Savage 30.06 reported missing October 30 by Wasilla Police, might straddle the two categories if the thief has both a gun fetish and the criminal know-how to fence one. But a Wasilla theft reported on Halloween day seems to defy the categories, if not defy logic itself. A 45-year-old Wasilla woman was accused that day of taking a Chihuahua puppy without paying for it. Perhaps it was crime of passion, prompted by love for those big brown bulging puppy eyes.

Alaska State Troopers report that a drug task force in Juneau finished an undercover op when the meth dealer they’d been buying from—a previously convicted felon and a man awaiting a felony drunk driving trial—decided it was time to ask a junkie to help him buy a gun. An informant sold the man a handgun and then the task force swept in, made the arrest and forwarded new felony charges to prosecutors. Troopers report the gun was disabled before their informant sold it to the meth dealer.

Monday, October 26—Alaska State Troopers in Fairbanks were called to a department store where store employees had watched a woman stuff various garments in a plastic trash can she picked up on the house wares aisle. Then they watched her avoid the cash register station on her way out the door. She should’ve left the meth pipe in her car, though. It fell out of a pocket during the trooper’s search.

Thursday, October 29—At about 11:30 p.m. Seward Police went to check on a man at the pier. He was sitting on a bench, bent over, and looked as if he wasn’t feeling too good. Turns out he was texting.

October 29—It’s darker for longer out there: A Palmer-based Alaska State Trooper on highway patrol ran his Crown Victoria patrol car into a black bear near mile 50 of the Parks Highway. The Crown Vic had about $600 damage. The bear was still in the road when a 46-year-old Houston man ran over it with a 1999 Dodge Dakota. As if that wasn’t enough humiliation for the bear, a 34-year-old woman from Houston followed suit, running over its body with her Subaru Forrester.

Friday, October 30—As if the environmental lawsuits weren’t causing enough trouble at Seward’s coal terminal, now someone’s vandalized it.

October 30—Troopers say a man seen jumping from a moving vehicle “was a danger to himself” and intoxicated.

Saturday, October 31—Calm down Wasilla-billy. Thirty-five bucks worth of merchandise is hardly worth being charged with assault.

October 31—Troopers are charging two people from North Pole with drunk driving after a single-car accident in which the car went off Badger Road and crashed through a boundary fence at U.S. Army Fort Richardson. Troopers report a drunk man tried to take over the wheel from the passenger-side seat while a drunk woman tried to keep control of the car.

Sunday, November 1—Maybe it’s the special mix of testosterone and alcohol that makes strip club parking lots a good place to watch men show-off their driving skills. What other explanation could there be for a silver 2003 Cadillac Escalade troopers saw spinning and fishtailing in such a purposeful manner?

—Scott Christiansen

Rape Report

Sexual assaults reported to Anchorage Police from October 26 through November 1, including forcible penetration as well as attempted sexual assaults and unwanted sexual contact. Areas are designated by community councils. Eagle River-area locations are grouped together. Time of day is when police were contacted. The date of the report is listed. If the date of the attack is different than the date of the report, the date of the attack is in square brackets.

UNKNOWN

October 28, 2:51 p.m.

October 29, 10:34 a.m.

October 30, 2:35 p.m.

If you are a victim of sexual assault or domestic abuse, please call Standing Together Against Rape’s 24-hour crisis line at 276-7273 or toll free in Alaska 1-800-478-8999.

—Brendan Joel Kelley