I'm just a bill

Alaska’s 26th legislature convened earlier this week, with a new makeup (goodbye Lyda Green; hello Linda Menard) that promises a new, as-yet-unpredictable dynamic (with Lyda gone, who will be Governor Palin’s new “cancer”?). With them comes a slew of pre-filed legislation, a peek into the priorities of our elected representatives.

Some of it you’ve heard about—Representative Mike Chenault’s proposal to reinstitute the death penalty; Representative Harry Crawford’s bill to raise the legal smoking age to 21; Representative Berta Gardner’s legislation to ban minors from using cell phones while they drive; several legislators’ move to divest the state’s investments with companies that do business in Sudan—but some of the other proposed laws haven’t been paid much attention yet. Here’s a sampling of what your lawmakers wish to impose on Alaskans during this session.

(Note: HB is House Bill; HJR is House Joint Resolution; SB is Senate Bill; SJR is Senate Joint Resolution)

Bestiality!

HB 6: Representative Bob Lynn (R-Anchorage) wants sex with animals—or the filming of or facilitating sex with animals—included in the cruelty to animals statute, which would make it a class A misdemeanor. The included definition of “sexual conduct” with an animal will make you throw up in your mouth a little; it is not recommended reading. An end to the omnipresent donkey shows?

Phony Phoners

HB 4: Representative Lynn also wants to make it a class A misdemeanor to misrepresent one’s self on caller ID.

Don’t drop out, dude

HB 33: Freshman Representative Cathy Munoz (R-Juneau) would like to change the age limit for compulsory school attendance to 18, which would mean an end to the option to drop out of school at age 16. There’s no grandfather clause, so Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin are off the hook.

Real time campaign reporting

HB 42: Representative Lynn wants to establish a legislative study group to examine the feasibility of an “Immediate Online Political Campaign Reporting System.” If it were ever to be established, such a system would provide real time information on who’s giving money to what candidate, rather than the current program with its periodic reporting deadlines.

Fixing the flag song

HB 5: Incoming Senator Linda Menard (R-Wasilla) is attempting to pass a bill that’s failed twice before in Alaska’s history; it would make official the second verse of the state song, “Alaska’s Flag.” The second verse, written by Carol Beery Davis, incorporates Benny Benson, the Native teen who designed the flag, into the song. Davis, whose husband was on the final selection committee that chose Benson’s design, wrote the second verse in 1986. (You can check out the lyrics at www.shgresources.com/ak/symbols/song/.)

Help for traumatized jurors

HB 52: Representative Beth Kerttula (D-Juneau) proposes an act providing for psychological counseling for jurors in criminal trials who are traumatized by graphic evidence or testimony.

Vote for AG

HJR 4: Representative Harry Crawford (D-Anchorage) is introducing an amendment to the state Constitution that would make the position of attorney general an elected office, rather than the current system by which the governor appoints the attorney general. (Crawford proposed similar legislation two years ago.) Think this is aimed at you, Talis?

Get your rehab covered

SB 21: Senator Bettye Davis (D-Anchorage) would like your health insurance to cover mental health, alcoholism and substance abuse treatment. We’ll drink to that!

Retroactive rebates

HB 18: Representative Fairclough also would like to see residents who qualify for the 2009 permanent fund dividend, but didn’t qualify for the 2008 check, receive the $1,200 energy rebate that was tacked onto the payment in the last round.

We’re always right about oil and gas leases (no matter what)

HB 11: Representatives Max Gruenberg (D-Anchorage), Paul Seaton (R-Homer) and Sharon Cissna (D-Anchorage) want a law that requires state oil and gas leases to be construed in favor of the state, and against the interpretation offered by the person challenging the state’s interpretation of the lease. Take that, Exxon!

Forget daylight savings time

HB 19: Representative Anna Fairclough (R-Eagle River) proposes that the state quit using daylight saving time. Arizona and Hawaii don’t do it, why should we? Then again, who wants a five-hour time difference from the East Coast?

Even more license plates!

HB 73 & SB 50: These bills, proposed by Representative Lynn and Senator Charlie Huggins (R-Wasilla), would authorize special license plates for Iditarod finishers (Huggins) and honorary foreign consuls (Lynn). The foreign consul plates wouldn’t confer any diplomatic immunity to their owners (not even for the purposes of getting out of parking tickets!), so we’re not sure what the point is.

Make that “Marmot Day”

SB 58: Senator Menard proposes that February 2 be established as “Marmot Day.” Not Groundhog Day—Marmot Day. Despite the fact that Alaska marmots are hibernating on February 2 and won’t emerge from their winter dens until around early May. And really, groundhogs (scientific name Marmota monax) are part of the marmot family anyway. What’s the point again?

Malamutes get official?

HB 14: Representative Berta Gardner (D-Anchorage) would like to designate the Alaskan malamute as the official state dog. What about the huskies? Seems like this would breed some rivalry among the sled dog varieties. And besides, do Alaskans really want a purebred as our official dog?

Messing with the unions

HB 37: In a move sure to piss off unions, Representative Carl Gatto (R-Palmer) would like to prohibit collective bargaining agreements that require employees to join a labor or employee organization. Expect AFL-CIO president/tough guy Vince Beltrami to have something to say about this.

Follow up for cop complaints

SB 19: In the wake of Troopergate, Senator Hollis French (D-Anchorage) has introduced legislation that would provide procedures for notifying a complainant (like, say, Governor Palin) against a state peace officer or village public safety officer (like Trooper Wooten) about the status or completion of the investigation, and whether the complaint was found to be valid. That’s awfully magnanimous of Senator French, considering some of the things the Palin “truth squad” said about him.

Raise the minimum wage

SB 1: Democratic Senators Bill Wielechowski (Anchorage), Johnny Ellis (Anchorage), Joe Thomas (Fairbanks) and Bettye Davis (Anchorage) want to jack up the minimum wage in the state (it’s currently $7.15 an hour). The new rate would be either $1 more than the federal minimum wage, or a base of $8.75 increased annually by the rate of inflation; whichever number is higher would be the new minimum. Bling!

Term limit legislators

SJR 1: In a move obviously not aimed at endearing herself to her fellow lawmakers, Senator Menard proposes term limits for legislators: four terms for representatives or two terms for senators. But they can come back if they sit out a full term in between.

Price gouging at the pump

HB 68: Democratic Representatives Petersen (Anchorage), Gara (Anchorage), Tuck (Anchorage), Gruenberg (Anchorage) and Scott Kawasaki (Fairbanks) want a law against price gouging by gas refiners. The bill says that the price is “exorbitant or excessive” if it’s 10 percent above the average charged by refiners in the state of Washington. After last summer’s prices at the pump, it’s hard to argue against this one.

Universal health care?

HB 21: Obama’s the president, and Democrats are in control of the state senate, so you could see this one coming. Senator French has a likely-doomed bill (Republicans still control the state house) proposing a health care program for all residents of the state. Does that make him a socialist?

Restricting abortion

HB 34 & 35: Representative John Coghill (R-North Pole) has two abortion bills filed thus far. HB 34 would ban partial-birth abortions, and 35 would require parental or court consent for unmarried women 17 years old or younger to have an abortion. The latter would also make it illegal to coerce a minor into having an abortion, and require physicians to file a monthly report listing the abortions performed on a minor.

Editing out the secretary of state (and those pesky masculine pronouns)

HJR 1 & 2: These would amend the language of the state Constitution. HJR 1, offered by Representative Gruenberg, would remove obsolete references to the office of secretary of state (we don’t have a secretary of state, the lieutenant governor fulfills those duties prescribed for the office). HJR 2, from Representative Gatto, would remove personal pronouns and references that denote a masculine or feminine gender from the Constitution. Impressively politically correct, Mr. Gatto!

Stopping Salvia

SB 52: Senator Gene Therriault (R-North Pole) continues his crusade against the currently-legal hallucinogen Salvia divinorum (the Anchorage Daily News’s favorite drug, which sold out at the Black Market after ADN ran a front-page story about it last year). Therriault’s legislation would make Salvia divinorum and Salvinorin A, its active component, Schedule IIA hallucinogens, in good company with magic mushrooms, LSD, peyote and PCP. We’d say to stock up now, but, honestly, it’s really not that good of a buzz.

These are just a fraction of the bills that were pre-filed by legislators.

If you’ve got something to say to your elected officials about these or other bills, we recommend the Alaska State Public Opinion Message System, where you can send a 50-word message to some or all legislators. It’s online at www.legis.state.ak.us/poms.

bjk@anchoragepress.com